I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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