Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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