Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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