She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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