I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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