I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
