So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
