woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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