My hand turned me down
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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