I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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