how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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