I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
