dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just google imaged poop.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
