tell your sister to shave her snatch
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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