cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
