I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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