ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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