You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
