found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize