Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
