I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
