Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
