so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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