oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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