Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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