Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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