I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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