Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
