Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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