Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
