Are we in a gay sports bar?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
