ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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