she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
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I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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