Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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