Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
