i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
