ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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