don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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