Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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