How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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