Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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