thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
