Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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