I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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