if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I puked a lego.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
