He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
