i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
