But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
