Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
