Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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