I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
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We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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