he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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