drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
