just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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