i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
