she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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