There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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