Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
