to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
