oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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