dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
