i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
