sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize