38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
