is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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