Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
