I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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