He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
