It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
